Along with the “commitment”, I set up a semi-formal writing schedule to help facilitate meeting my self-imposed deadline. The plan is, by Wednesday, I will have an outline, a rough draft and possibly some art or a quote or something to go with the post. The last post had no color at all and that fact is still bothering me.
Today, when I woke up, I had a really great start on the post. I was feeling happy about it. In my mind, it was going to make me seem totally cool, wise, clever and probably even pretty suave. And then something happened. I won’t go into the gory details, but after the “event” I retreated into my writing and realized that if I were to actually post what I had written, I would be a fraud. I would be lying to myself and to you. That is no way to start a long and wonderful relationship.
I just scrapped an outline and 270ish words… well, I put them on ice anyway, until I can get my act together on the topic. The topic was about being present and mindful. Both of these are things I have been reading a lot about and which I think I understand, in theory, obviously. Because today I was neither mindful or present at a critical moment. For that I am paying a price. But it is mine to pay and it will be alright, once I get myself reset.
I notice that when I mess up, I usually take the position of beating myself up. This comes across like I’m being a passive aggressive jerk. It is really me being angry that I am such an idiot and taking it out on the world (or my family and friends).
Sometimes the hardest thing I have to do is hit the reset button. That button is admitting that I blew it. I don’t like to admit that. It’s no fun. It doesn’t make me look cool, wise, clever or suave. It is necessary though, hitting the button, taking the lumps and moving on. It boils down to forgiving myself for being Impetuous, foolish and imperfect.
So, there it is. I blew it.
Now, I guess we will all be surprised by what shows up here on Monday. 🙂
How do you “reset” when you’ve messed up with people?